Until our old pal Punch N. Judy shakes off his winter slumber, ambles out of his cave and back over to his waiting computer, The Heckler felt it only appropriate to toss out a few recent notable quotables from the world of Major League Baseball — words so outrageuous they just have to be read (and maybe re-read) to understand why the need to publish them is all-too-easily apparent. In other words, they’re entertaining! Hey Punch! The grill’s ready — how ’bout a new serving of Baseball and Eggs one of these days!! - The Heckler 

Our first one, from the venerable Pedro Martinez, trying to come back strong to the Mets’ rotation this year, opining as to what lengths he will go to help the club: “I’ll do anything if I think it helps the team. I’ll do naked jumping jacks, whatever.” 

Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland (pictured, right) on what a fan who won a charity auction to recently co-manage a spring game alongside him had to do to authentically ape all aspects of the crusty Motown skipper. “He’ll be smoking by the third inning. You want to be the real Jim Leyland, you’d better bring a carton of Marlboros.”

The now-infamous and always classy — ahem — Barry Bonds, from official testimony to a Grand Jury, on why he was not, contrary to some reports,  planning to build a home for close associate (and alleged connection) trainer Greg Anderson: ”One, I’m black. And I’m keeping my money. And there’s not too many rich black people in this world. And I’m keeping my money. There’s more wealthy Asian people and Caucasian and white. There ain’t that many rich black people. And I ain’t giving my money up. That’s why.”

SI.com’s Tom Verducci perfectly crystalizing the Brandon Inge fiasco currently overshadowing the Tigers’ camp: “The only reason the Tigers could conceivably want Inge around is to replace Ivan Rodriguez when his contract expires after this season. But Inge blew a hole in that idea by suggesting he didn’t really want to catch and saying he has trouble hitting when he has to concentrate on catching (not that his .236 average as a third baseman last season was anything great).”

Yankees VP Hank “I wanna REALLY try hard to be as controversial as my more-famous Daddy George” Steinbrenner, seeing the world of baseball through his East Coast-tinted glasses and dreaming of restoring the fast-fading franchise: “Go anywhere in America, and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”

And finally, a quote that really needs no explanation as to its inclusion. The Heckler presents the Diamondbacks’ Eric Byrnes, on what he would endure to see the game of baseball cleaned up from its current steroid/HGH smudge: “I’d prefer not to have a grown man standing there looking at my pickle, but if they have to do it for the sake of the game, I’m in.”

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